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"What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self" should be mandatory reading for all women. I strongly recommend it be shared, discussed and -- if you are brave enough -- emulated by writing your own letter to your younger self."
Lesa Ladieri, Senior VP, Pfizer
Dear Molly:
You are quite remarkable, you know. Everyone around you sees it. That sparkle in your eye…it was there the day you were born and is irrefutably the most beautiful part of you.
I know, though, that at 13 it might be hard for you to see it. As bright as your spirit is, the world tells girls, especially girls with a wild and wonderful side, that how you look is more important than who you are. But Molly, I’ve got a wonderful and powerful secret for you. Anytime, you feel less than, ugly or somehow unworthy, you can (and I know this is hard to believe right now), listen to the inner voice inside of you that knows better. Read Molly Barker's Letter
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Dear Sheri,
It’s okay to cry, you know. You may be 14 now, but you’re a little girl, so young for your age – you were still playing with dolls not so very long ago. You miss your mom. That’s normal. You’re supposed to miss your mom. Read Sheri Lynch's Letter
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Dear Cama,
Remember, when you were 16, and you and Gary Fee (who was in college) had a “very adult” philosophical discussion about the lessons gleaned from reading Alice In Wonderland? At the time, you were fascinated with the conversation a confused, wandering Alice had with the Cheshire Cat:
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?” she asked him.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” was the Cat’s answer, to which Alice replied, “I don’t care where.” Read Cama McNamara's Letter
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Hi there my sweet Maureen -
My 14 year old Mo....
(I know you hate the nickname now...but here, as a 45 year old..it's really a wonderful thing.)
So, honey, I see you there in the upstairs bedroom on WaterOak Road and it's August and it is hot! Really hot! I know you're wondering, why can't Dad crank up the A.C.? I guess it has to do with the energy crisis you're facing right now in the 70's. We have a similar one all these years later. I guess we never learned. Read Maureen O'Boyle's Letter
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Maureen O'Boyle is a familiar face to many. A fomer talk show host with Maury Povich, anchor at "Extra" and "A Current Affair," she lives much of her life in the spotlight. However, in this poignant letter, you get a glimpse of the young Mo, a young girl lost in a big family of siblings with a lot to learn about herself, love and life.
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Hi there my sweet Maureen -
My 14 year old Mo....
(I know you hate the nickname now...but here, as a 45 year old..it's really a wonderful thing.)
So, honey, I see you there in the upstairs bedroom on WaterOak Road and it's August and it is hot! Really hot! I know you're wondering, why can't Dad crank up the A.C.? I guess it has to do with the energy crisis you're facing right now in the 70's. We have a similar one all these years later. I guess we never learned.
I know you are thinking, "I can't wait to move from this hot place, get far away from this huge family where I feel like just a number, number 8!" But guess what? There will come a time when you want to be back here in Charlotte. After you have traveled the world, seen the bright lights of other cities, when you will crave each and every brother and sister for everything that now drives you crazy! You will miss Mom and Dad like you never thought possible. And you will miss Charlotte. You'll want to be here so badly you'll surprise yourself - and your family - when you come back home.
Charlotte will look a lot different, but the essence of your hometown will still be there...because the people make the place. Almost all the family will be here, with all their wonderful children. You'll be an aunt. You'll be a woman...you'll be a MOMMY and want to raise your child to play in that same red clay that's stained every pair of sneakers you ever wore! I know this blows your mind...but it's true! You'll be so grateful for the chance to live here again..really you will! You'll have your own family here. I can't tell you if it's a boy or girl....but you will love this child like you never knew possible. The deepest love...that you feel closer to God with every breath your child takes!
I know how crazy your big brother Joey makes you? He teases you like all brothers do. Breath through this....exhale...and relax...don't hate him. There will be a time, like tonight, as I write you this letter, that you will love him so deeply you could cry. Joey is really sick right now, in the hospital. And here...after all those fights and tussles, I'm praying with all my soul he gets well. It is hard to believe that you could love him this much for all the bickering...but you will, I promise. And you'll beg and bargain with God just to make Joe better. I know God will listen. I know it. Just try to love Joey now.
Sweet Maureen, there will be times, like tonight, when you feel alone, and so scared...but remember God is listening to you. He knows every want in our heart. He knows every detail of your life. He knows. God knows. Remember, always trust Him, turn to Him...He is with you in your darkest hours.
You know how everyone always calls you the family tattler...reporting on everyone's mistakes? "Tattle-tail!" Well, it IS annoying...but in that little trait of yours, there's a career. Really! It's hard to explain, but the way you see things, the way you tell a story... while it bugs the daylights out of everyone at home, it is actually part of God's present to you, an ability to tell a really good story....you just won't be telling it the same way. Trust me....keep observing...keep remembering the details! Keep writing!
I know how scared you are about school. We are just days away. I know you feel really scared. Last year was brutal. Even after all these years, it's easy to close my eyes and feel the hurt you endured again. You aren't crazy, the mean girls were awful. Facing those cliques again and feeling so different wont be easy. It will get worse before it gets better. I wish I could erase what's ahead...but I can't. I will tell you this, you are doing the right thing. You will ALWAYS be on the outside. I know you can't believe it's a good thing, but just be true to yourself. That will be how you survive. I want to tell you a secret that will help you deal, the mean girls really are just as insecure as you are! I know Mom keeps telling you that...and she seems clueless as to what is really happening..but she's right!! Mom is ALWAYS right! Those girls are just so scared themselves. I hope it helps you to know that. You will live through this. And the pain you feel will strengthen you...even though it stinks right now.
As far as love goes beyond Jim....I can't lie.....it's not going to easy. Even now, all these years later, I don't have the answers. But I know this. The more I open my heart to love myself...to be cool with who I am....the more my heart can open to love others. So, having said that, be open. Don't judge at first glance....and don't settle!
I love you Maureen, you're going to be so happy with how your life turns out. Don't be scared, I'm here, you make it through, I promise.
mo
Sept 2008 |
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Molly Barker is an inspiration to many girls in Charlotte. A runner, a single mom and a tireless promoter of sefl-esteem, she spends her life teaching girls how to get out of the "girl box" and believe in themselves. In this letter, she looks back at her teenage self, reflecting on self-doubt and offering hope and solidarity.
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Dear Molly:
You are quite remarkable, you know. Everyone around you sees it. That sparkle in your eye…it was there the day you were born and is irrefutably the most beautiful part of you.
I know, though, that at 13 it might be hard for you to see it. As bright as your spirit is, the world tells girls, especially girls with a wild and wonderful side, that how you look is more important than who you are. But Molly, I’ve got a wonderful and powerful secret for you. Anytime, you feel less than, ugly or somehow unworthy, you can (and I know this is hard to believe right now), listen to the inner voice inside of you that knows better.
I know, I know. It’s easy for me to say that because I’m 48…and it looks like I’ve got it so together. But truthfully, in many ways, I’m no different than you. I have fears and doubts just like you. Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated that I scream and shout and cry so hard I think my heart will burst, but the beauty of growing older and living a rich and often troubled life is the perspective it provides. “This too shall pass” was an expression your mom used to always say, and I didn’t quite understand what it meant until I got older and realized that the goal in life wasn’t always to be happy, but to be content.
Yeah…I’ve got news for you. Life isn’t always easy or fun. Sometimes it hurts so much you will feel like you want to scream and shout and run away. The pain sometimes will be unbearable. But you will survive, because that little inner voice is never fully gone. She is just waiting for you when you are ready to rediscover her.
Boys? Oh my God. In a year or two you’ll discover the power of your own sexuality and how easy it is to use it to get the attention the outside world tells you, you need to be pretty, popular and happy. But truth is, you already have everything you need to be whole. Oh, but I forgot you already know…that inner voice reminds you of that every morning when you head out the door for your morning run. When you are alone with the sunrise, the chilled morning air and the sound of your footsteps on autumn leaves, you hear her, talk to her and love her. But once the school day starts and the noise of the ”should and ought to” voices take over, she gets tucked away. That’s okay. Running will be your sanctuary, the window in your day, when you hear her and your power, beauty and strength are celebrated.
There is much irony in writing this letter to you. I want to tell you that you will be okay and that all the pain, fear and self-doubt you will feel and that will challenge who you are and at times in your life actually challenge your willingness to live, are going to lead you to your life’s calling, the wonder of parenthood and even your serving as role model to many, many girls your age now. But I can’t. No matter how much I want to protect you, warn you and tell you that you are beautiful, whole and powerful, this is something you will have to realize in your own time and in your own language.
Just know, Molly, that in those darkest moments, those most vulnerable moments, those moments when it’s hard to breathe and the ability to see outside the moment is blinded by self-doubt, you are not alone. I’m waiting on the other side…the powerful you. The woman you have become. Empowered, beautiful and overwhelmingly grateful that the life you are creating is mine.
I love you,
Molly
August 18, 2008
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Cama McNamara is an entrepreneur. She founded Charlotte Parent magazine back when it was called "Our Kids and Teens" and continued to publish Today's Charlotte Woman.
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Dear Cama,
Remember, when you were 16, and you and Gary Fee (who was in college) had a “very adult” philosophical discussion about the lessons gleaned from reading Alice In Wonderland? At the time, you were fascinated with the conversation a confused, wandering Alice had with the Cheshire Cat:
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?” she asked him.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” was the Cat’s answer, to which Alice replied, “I don’t care where.”
“Then it doesn’t matter which you way you walk,” said the Cat.
“— so long as I get somewhere,” added Alice as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough!
Don’t forget their conversation. It will serve you well as you journey through your own life.
Right now, your dream is to become a dancer. In the not-too-distant future you’ll find out that you don’t have the body to be a ballet dancer, nor do you have the confidence it takes to compete in the world of professional dance. Add to that a love life in shambles, and your life is going to be one big mess.
You, my dear, are going to have to re-think your future.
But, don’t be so depressed. Sometimes life’s greatest disappointments turn out to be its greatest opportunities in disguise.
Sometimes you’ll know exactly which path to take; others, you’ll just need to put one foot in front of the other and let the path take you. Regardless, it’s up to you to recognize opportunities along the way that “if you only walk long enough” will get you somewhere.
I’d like to add to the Cat’s advice: Believe in yourself, have confidence in your abilities, use your head, listen to your gut, and open your heart to love. Alice found Wonderland; you can, too.
Love,
Cama
Sept. 2008 |
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