Charlotte Parent Blogs

Creating Life Balance With H.E.A.R.T.™ - 5 Guiding Principles

As a working mom, I often cringe when I hear the words “life balance.” I mean, are they kidding? I am supposed to find life balance in a week of driving, cleaning, cooking, attending sports outings, parenting, and more? As if I could actually find equal time between me-time and family-time. Yeah right! So, I thought I would share my perspective on this.

Balance is not simply a noun, referring to scales and measures. Neither is it static, a state we achieve or a place we arrive. It is very much a verb, reminding us of elements in motion working to regain or maintain equilibrium. Like riding a bike, we maintain our balance by creating momentum and moving forward - keeping upright, staying poised as we travel the paths of our lives ... creating a surplus and abundance.

When I speak of balance, I am referring to the life elements of mind (mental), body (physical), emotion and spirit. Like on a bike, if any of these elements is out of balance we have a bumpy ride. It is important to note that when we speak of balance we are not talking about time or equality. There is no scale that says each element of our lives gets equal time. As a mom, hearing this fact was a relief.

Balance is unique for each of us. How do you define balance in your life? How do you know when you are in or out of balance? And, how do you create and maintain balance? The answers to these questions are unique to you. This is most easily recognized when we speak of spiritual balance, e.g., traditional religious practice, yoga and mediation, or simply a walk in nature.

Wanting to find a heart-centered way of creating and modeling balance in my life and for my daughter I created these five guiding principles.

Five guiding principles for creating balance with H.E.A.R.T.™:
1. Honor Thy-self: authenticity, living and Being the real you in all you say and do.
2. Energy: energy not time is the key to balance. when considering time, Be in the present. Know what drains you and what energizes you.
3. Abundance: building wealth with an attractive mind-set. Giving and receiving in balance. Give with heart and also give yourself permission to receive.
4. Renewal: Make time, even if it’s only 20 minutes each day to renew your energy. Is it a walk in the fresh air, dancing around the living room to your favorite music, talking a bath versus a shower, or listening to your favorite book or music in the car? And, when possible, take a half-day or full-day retreat just for you.
5. Trust: yourself, your intuition; transform fears and negative self-talk
My coaching clients that have found success in creating life balance remembered these things. I have phrased them as affirmations:
• I give myself permission to move at my own pace. There is no right or wrong. My commitment to self is the first, best step I can take on this journey. Be sure to congratulate myself and celebrate this invaluable first step.
• I take time with each step and make it part of my daily practice building – include time to celebrate each little step forward. I will experience greater success.
• I realize this is my journey, which means I am in the driver’s seat and can go at whatever pace works best for me. I may not always take a straight course, and this is OK. Life happens, so I may stop to rest, enjoy the view or take extra time to practice what I learn. As long as I am committed and moving forward, I am moving in the right direction.
• Mostly, this is about creating consciousness in my life. Being aware, coming off of unconscious autopilot and into awareness. Living my life with clarity and intention.
• Make time to practice being aware with neutral judgment - and, celebrating my choice to take this all important step to intentionally create my life of balance and success.

For now, remember to Stop, Breathe and Think (be aware) before you Act. Being intentional in all you do.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone And Succeed

Why run in the rain? This was the question I put to good friends after checking the weather report for our local Cupid’s cup. Actually, this was one of my many rants as I considered rising at 6:45 AM to walk (or run) a paved circle in the cold rain.

My good friends and teen daughter were the primary reason for this non-runner to even consider this crazy endeavor. I love the social aspect, and of course, there is the health benefit, but ultimately, the biggest benefit is learning to stretch and move outside of my comfort zone.

Let me be clear, I am not a runner. My knees protest the pounding on pavement, so I decided to see if I could walk/run or simply walk into this healthy endeavor.

It started when my triathlete friends invited my daughter and I to join them for a weekly 10K training. As luck had it, the first Saturday morn was a cold drizzle and the next a bone chilling 22 degrees – unexpected in the Southeast region. I leaned into my motto, “transform obstacles into opportunities” for motivation to show up for weekly practice.

Still, my mind and body protested during the days between each Saturday practice. The life coach in me took the lead and called on my internal strength, my spirit, to keep me moving forward. In so doing I learned much. Here are some of the things I learned on this path:
• Let go of my ego and outcome, i.e., not be concerned with my pace or where I ranked in the race. Out of this I created a new motto, “commit and complete.” Often, I’d have to say it out loud to overcome the thoughts that came up as my friends significantly outpaced me and had to wait for my return to the finish point.
• Let the crowd lead, not in pacing, but in motivation. By simply showing up successive Saturdays we have created community. Being honest about my struggles and receiving motivation has been a huge help in keeping me on this path. When things get tough, find a group of mommies to share your struggles and joys.
• Get practice in working with and through my limitations and fears. Running is not my thing so I was open to what else I may learn and experience along the way. In the past, I have canceled many an outdoor activity because it takes me so very long to warm up. There’s a real feeling of satisfaction by not quitting and simply taking steps outside of my comfort zone. This Caribbean baby does not like cold and in the past I have canceled many an outdoor activity because it took me so very long to warm up. There’s a real feeling of satisfaction in simply taking steps outside of my comfort zone.
• Realizing that joy may not come in the originally planned activity, but the community and personal growth achieved along the way. As it turned out, I got to walk the course with a friend with whom I had not been able to spend time, and share brunch with the runners who inspired me.

I can’t say I’ll ever run or walk another race in the rain. But if I ever decide to do so it will be to experience the joy and satisfaction I experienced stepping outside of my comfort zone and making memories with friends.

I would love to hear about a time when you have stepped outside of your comfort zone and what showed up for you. Please use the comment section below to share.

Three Simple Questions to Change Your Life Forever

I came across these questions during a screening of DiCaprio's 11th Hour movie at the local JCC (Jewish Community Center). They were asked in reference to making change for the environment.
Being the life coach, I realized that my personal environment - inner and outer - could benefit from these same questions and reflections. They are also great questions to teach your older children to ask themselves when they have a problem or simply want to design their adult life. So, I want to share them with you.

It's late, and I want to keep this simple, so I'll present the questions and you can do the reflecting. When I am more awake, I may come back and embellish.

Of course, I present these questions to make them work for your personal development. As such, I suggest you consider these questions around what you are doing, thinking or feeling. Consult them when you want to make a change or tackle a problem.

1) What do I need to stop (doing, thinking or feeling)?
• This one made me think, "What do I need to let go of?
2) What do I need to start (doing, thinking or feeling)?
• This one made me think of what I need to affirm and/or attract into my life. Guess it also calls on the need for clarity around my values, vision and intentions.
3) What do I need to change (doing, thinking or feeling)?
• This one seems to focus on realizing my strengths, tweaking them, and building on them. Some gratitude around what's working may play big on this one.

For me, they are simple yet powerful. I find myself asking these questions whenever I come to a crossroad - big or small, long or short-term. They work best when I remember actually ask the questions and I am honest with myself when I answer.

It works for me, so I hope it works for you. Sit with these questions and see what comes up for you. I'd love to hear what you think and feel around these questions, and how they can help create your best year yet, and maybe help your adolescent or older children.
With joy!